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Born within a few months of one another and in small towns about 80 miles apart (which made us neighbors by East Texas standards,) we both grew up with the inborn need to be parents. Our parenthood story really begins in rural East Texas in 1979. Two and a half years later, I can poke fun at myself for that tentative, guarded attempt at connection because right now, across the room, I am watching silently as my husband Shannon makes funny faces at our three month-old son Jake until he squeals. I'm fairly certain that my partner feels the same, although I've actually never asked him for fear that together we'll set our hearts on becoming fathers only to fail miserably and wind up in a deeper emotional chasm than when we started. So if I try and it doesn't work out, I've admitted to myself and everyone else that my life was unfulfilled. I will have acknowledged that my dream for my life, the thing I silently pray for at night, is to become a father. I've known since I was a little boy that I wanted a family, and for years have said we'd try "someday." But really I'm paralyzed by the fear that if I take steps to make it happen, something will go wrong and I will be worse off for trying. I'm here to tell you about a huge hole in my life that I've tried desperately for a decade to fill with work, travel and volunteering! It's not that I don't know what's missing.
![why am i gay in my dreams why am i gay in my dreams](https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.tfc.org/_tf1280x720/Who-Am-I-series.jpg)
Now, if I were being candid, here's how it should've read: I spent half an hour agonizing over just the right placement of exclamation points to help me sound easy-going and well-adjusted. I hope it's ok if we just kind of hang back and learn from you guys for the time being! Talk soon! I think the goal right now is to casually make connections while we make decisions on gestational vs traditional, indy vs. We live in Austin where I manage a real estate firm and he's a nurse.
![why am i gay in my dreams why am i gay in my dreams](http://jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/j13.jpg)
My partner and I are potential IPs in the information-gathering stage. Here's what I actually wrote in early 2015: Somewhere deep in the jungle of Facebook groups for would-be parents, I posted my shot in the dark.